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File 164622831773.jpg - (16.94KB, 416x225, Chimi.jpg)
Chimi
Hello everyone! And welcome to a new episode of 'Chimata Says'!

Today we are in the Human Village. One of the most beautiful places in Gensokyo.

It has very beautiful canals that the fishermen can enjoy, great markets people can enjoy, tourists from many places, but unfortunately also... pickpockets

Pickpockets are a really big problem here in the Domstad. In fact, it is the largest form of theft that occurs here in the Human Village. Rivaled only by the amount of fairy murder but the latter isn’t a crime.

But what exactly is pickpocketing? What are the tricks of the pickpockets?
And most importantly, what can you do about it?

You can see it here today on 'Chimata Says'!

Pickpocketing is the unwanted removal of things from, for example, your jacket pocket or from your bag.
This often concerns your wallet, money, or your very clothes. Annoyingly, the victim often doesn't realize it's gone. So that person can go to the store, look for his wallet in his bag and can't find it. Not only did you not notice that it was taken, but someone else now has your cards and your money.

I myself have already been pocketed twice. I didn't notice anything both times, so they work very smart and fast. How do they do that and what are their tricks?

For starters, pickpocketers often work in groups. So you are not dealing with just one, but with a whole network of handy thieves. They often put on a play together to distract you. A well-known trick is to ask for directions. While you are helpfully explaining the right route, an accomplice just takes your wallet away. Or you are walking down the street and see someone trip and fall. While you come to the rescue, someone else is emptying your pockets.

Furthermore, pickpockets often strike in crowded places. Such as at the center, in a busy shopping street, or here, at the market. They do this for a reason: it's so busy here, it's not weird that someone bumps into you.
Pickpocketers 'accidentally' bump into you and then take things from your cases. This goes so fast, and there are so many people, that you as the victim don't know where the perpetrator is and who stole your stuff. All in all, the Human Village is a perfect place for pickpockets.

Very busy. And chaotic.

Do you have no chance at all against thieving menaces?

Of course not. You can take excellent measures to protect yourself against theses quick form of theft.
Obvious advice perhaps, but pay extra attention to your belongings in crowded places.
In fact there are three things that you can do to lower the chances of being pocketed!

1: Never lose sight of your bag and your jacket. Not even if you sit on a terrace. And pay extra attention if you are approached by a stranger.

2: Carry valuables close to your body. For example, put them in an inner pocket or in a bag around your neck. Do you find it strange to walk around with such a bag, and do you prefer to carry your own bag? Then put it on your stomach against you and put it over the bag as extra security.

3: Don't walk around with your new bag or your expensive watch. Store valuables properly and never take more expensive items with you than you need.

Well, I'm going to throw myself back into the bustle of the Villages’s shopping streets.
With my bag close to me, that is. I hope you find this info useful and keep it to heart.

Next week I'm going to Youkai Mountain and then I'll find out what you can do against food poisoning.

Until then!
That was this week’s episode of ‘Chimata Says’!
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Wow, thanks Chimata
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That's no good!
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thanks chimata
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>Pickpockets are a really big problem here in the Domstad.
The fuck is a Domstad?
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File 164624843444.png - (122.83KB, 337x405, Chimata smug.png)
Chimata smug
>>203473

Aaaaaaaaah?

You don't know what Domstad is?

Serouisly? In this day and age? Did you not go to school Anon?

Every anon knows what a Domstad is, go learn your touhou lore you 9!

Ywahahahhooooo!
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File 164624882066.jpg - (105.04KB, 437x535, Pamphlet_1637.jpg)
Pamphlet_1637
>>203474
CHIMATA, THERE ARE NO HUMANS HERE, YOU'RE IN UTRECHT
YOU'RE GONNA HAEMORRHAGE ALL YOUR GUILDERS TO A SPECULATIVE BUBBLE AROUND MISCOLOURED TULIPS
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__tenkyuu_chimata_and_miyadeguchi_mizuchi_touhou_d
Oh, hehe.

I'm in danger.
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thank you chimata, very cool
personally I keep my cards and cash in the inner pockets of my stupid travel jacket that I wear every single fucking day rather than a proper wallet. Having all my stuff be against my body, in zippered pockets, is secure enough that I trusted it even when I visited Paris, notorious for its pickpockets.
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Chimata-man
https://youtu.be/7SbWO3tMaHE
SWR Pre-Battle Theme: Argue for and Against

It all comes so quickly; nothing more than the slight glimpse of a figure is seen as quickly dashes away from the screen. In their hand lies an object of high value and even worse: It's not theirs.

"Help, help! that person just took my bag and ran away!" an innocent voice yells out in distraught, grounded, and unable to pursue their thief. An innocent green shrine maiden has been robbed! Innocent Maiden Sanae!
Behold as she lies helplessly on the ground all maidenly, someone pushed her but who could do such a terrible thing!?

"Mwehehehehe!" the culprit laughs wickedly, mocking their victim as they stop to taunt her "Foolish maiden, don't you know that pick pockets are a serious threat in the human village? walking around with your treasures so exposed...why it's like you asked to be robbed you foolish fooly fool!" as they have stopped their appearance is revealed! That of a blue-haired girl wearing a suspicious mask! a devil with no face or shame! a pick pocketer! a dirty green bagged pick pocketer!
"Don't bother screaming for help, no one’s going to help a clumsy ditz who got robbed that easily!"

"Nooooooooooooo!" the helpless maiden whines out their despair, can no one save her?! "If only I had viewed the latest episode of 'Chimata Says'! then this wouldn't have happened! If only there was a better way, then I would have done it all over again and listened to the advice given to me!" it's sad but true, if only she had!

"Mwehehehehe!" the culprit laughs again, twice as wickedly even. "That said, I'm bailing now so cy-waah?!"

Fortunately for us her escape is stopped by the appearance of the only and only....

"Did someone say a better way?" Profit-Woman! The hero that protects the market! "Aha, there's no need to say anything for my womanly senses can tell the truth: Someone's being a stinky pick pocketer now, aren't they?" our brave hero speaks to the devilish thief that has bumped into her. Her words filled with courage and an intense light. Her cape bright white like the clouds and the small mask on her face hiding her identity Go watch 'Chimata Says!' episode 4 for her first appearance!

"Bah!" but the thief isn't intimidated by the least, backing off and taking out their most dangerous weapon: A comically large white hand pointed in the shape of a gun! "Stand back Profit-Woman, you won't stop me: Devil Nitori today of all times!"

"Oh no, it's a Pick-It-Up-Scratch-Me-Over-And-Shoot-You-Down-Auto-Hand! A terrible device that can shoot bullets, scratch one's back and pick up items for you all at the low low price of 45,99" Innocent Maiden Sanae explains out loud, her womanly senses telling her the truth "Run away Profit-Woman! One hit from that device and your wallet, jewellery and other valuables will be stolen in just a flash!" and pleas for her hero to leave her be, such a brave and kind the poor girl has. It's so noble!

"Mwehehehehehe!" Devil Nitori laughs again, like all villains are wont to do "It's just like the girl said, one shot and it's over so get out of my way!"

"I refuse!" But Profit-Woman remains where she stands, "I shall never be intimidated by those that disrespect the market! Those who steal things from others do not only steal their money but also their memories of having it and that's unforgivable!"

"Fool! Have you forgotten that I possess the Pick-It-Up-Scratch-Me-Over-And-Shoot-You-Down-Auto-Hand!? For the mere price of 45,99 and a mere gesture I can rob you blind! Behold, as technology defeats the market you so cherish!" Devil Nitori activates the device and out of it leaps the white hand! Like a coiled snake it strikes to meet Profit-Woman's pockets!

.... But nothing happens, "Did you seriously expect that to work Devil Nitori? You have struck gold once but this time I'm fighting for real!" somehow Profit-Woman proves immune to the effects of the twisted device, but how is that possible!?

"I-impossible! It cannot be!" Devil Nitori is asking the same question, her confidence going down the drain in front of this enigma "N-nothing can defeat the power of technology!"

"Profit-Woman sure can!" Innocent Maiden Sanae gets up, seeing hope in this turnabout. "This is where it ends Devil Nitori! Surrender now! You have no other choice! Your villainous and irresponsible plundering of other belongings ends here! "

"WHY!?" but Devil Nitori ignores her, still fixated on the device's failure to work on Profit-Woman "But why? Why won't my device work on you? my technology is fool proof! If it doesn't work, then what else I can I do? I'm completely helpless now! Technology! It was my greatest weapon! And without it I am lost..."

"Then give up!" Profit-Woman says as she looms over Devil Nitori "You haven't a chance now that I'm serious!"

"I surrender! I give up!" Devil Nitori throws her weapon away "Anything! Anything! Without my technology that only costs the low and affordable prize of 45,99 I cannot fight!"

"Then the battle has ended" Profit-Woman finger taps her foe's forehead "Now give Innocent Maiden Sanae her stuff back".

"I will but first tell me!" Devil Nitori has to know "How did you do it? How did you take away my amazing power!?"

Indeed, how did Profit-Woman prove immune to Devil Nitori's technology? Send your answer before next week's episode and the first one to answer correctly will obtain a special prize for their efforts!

Ad Time Over.
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It's because she's part of the con, that's how,
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It's because of all the zippers. She has so many pockets in her dress that the hand doesn't know where to look. Truly ingenious.
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>>203479
Easy, she bought it.
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>>203483
>she bought it
[x] DOOMP
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>>203484
What do digital-optical output mounted proxies have to do with anything?
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It's because her pockets were empty. There was nothing to steal
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File 164804652697.jpg - (14.07KB, 474x248, OIP.jpg)
OIP
Youkai Mountain, it's a mountain and has youkai on it! It's one of the most beautiful places in Gensokyo. Look at those rocks over there and those flowers just up ahead...don't they fill your heart with joy? Then oh boy you're going to be filled with glee the moment you notice the majestic kappa and tengus that roam around here alongside many other creatures that have all gathered today for one thing: The good food!

Everyone loves that, to the point we have festivals as an excuse to consume it with some good booze for some good times...however, even something that great has it's own danger! What danger you ask?

Food poisoning, that's the subject of today. I’m Chimata Tenkyuu, the goddess of markets, here in the Sapa district of Youkai Mountain and today I’m going to show you guys how to avoid this cruel curse while you’re traveling.

When you travel to new countries, sometimes the food hygiene standards are a little bit different and if your body isn’t used to the local microbes. Then it becomes really easy to get sick just from eating and drinking. Not to forget that some dishes may be made of materials that you wouldn’t be able to eat in the first place due to physical or mental reasons due to it being made for a specific race. A human would not want to eat a bowl of shikirodamas (real or artificial) as an example to that.

Anyhow there’s a variety of microbes that can give you food poisoning but they all cause similar symptoms: Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, death, insanity, gender change, involuntary transformation, fever and worst of all muscle pain. It’s really not fun and can really ruin your trip!

So how you can avoid food-poisoning? Is there a better way to avoid this nasty trap? Why of course!
You’re about to find that all out in today’s episode of ‘Chimata Says’!


CHIMATA’S 3 STEPS FOR AVOIDING FOOD POISONING! As says the title there are 3 easy steps to avoid eating something you may regret having eaten.

Step 1 is WATER, A lot of harmful microbes can live in water, so it’s important to find sources of safe drinking water and don’t eat anything that may have come into contact with contaminated water like say…a fruit salad? That’d be a fine example.

Either way step 2 is to EAT SMART. A lot of people will say to avoid street food…but that’s where you’re going to find the best food! Don’t deny yourself the pleasure of a well-steamed burger, just be smart about it and only eat at places that are busy because you know that if it’s busy then it’s got to be good. Also make sure that the food is cooked and stored properly so you know that it’s safe to eat, now that doesn’t mean you have to barge into the kitchen and watch the chef cook the meat while you glare behind them like a ghost with a grudge, oh no! Simply inspecting the food and using your nose, eyes and common sense should suffice to determine if something is safe to eat, and if not then you can always refuse and go elsewhere for your health is more important than being polite.

Step 3 is to wash your hands! Come on guys, we learnt this as kids, but it’s even more important when you’re traveling. Everything that you touch could be a source of bad bacteria so it’s really important that before you eat anything to give your hands a good wash and dry and if you’re concerned about the tap water/local well, make sure you use one of those sterilizing agents as well to give your hands a really good clean!
If you follow those three simple steps, you’re going to minimize your risk of getting food poisoning.
But…it’s not always that easy, and if you’re unlucky and you do get food poisoning anyway….

CHIMATA’S 3 STEPS FOR AVOIDING TREATING FOOD POISONING!

Then here’s what you can do to treat it.

Step number 1 for treating food poisoning is to drinks lots of water. Food poisoning causes your body to excrete all of the water from the gut and it’s important to replace that water to stay hydrated. Drink plenty of water and take hydrating salts like Froggocca or Kanakolyte because they’re going to supply the vitamins and minerals that your body needs while helping you retain more of that water for the oh so low price of 23, 70 for each box a piece. Head to your local shop to purchase them.

Step number 2 is to eat something. You’re definitely not going to feel like eating, but you need to remember that your body needs food to function. Now do NOT eat what made you sick…you’ll probably never eat that again. But just eat something like plain bread or rice to keep your fully full and your brain breedable.

Step number 3, if you’re still sick after a day or two. Definitely go see a local doctor! It could be a serious illness that she or he might be able to help you with. She might be able to prescribe something a little more than my treatment of water and food.

If you follow those tips, then you should be fine for a wonderful trip on the mountain. Just keep to not walk off the path and stay out of the taken territories and you should still be alive at the end.

That’s said, that’ll be all for today! Thanks so much for watching and until the next episode! I really hope those tips help you avoid or treat food poisoning when you go traveling next. Bye!

Is what I would say if it wasn’t time for the…. [Lights and music start to play as confetti shoots in the air] BONUS ROUND! For one of our fans has correctly answered the mystery of our latest add and as a reward to everyone we’re going to give that person a ring to give them their well-earned prize.

[Takes out a phone] Just give me a minute and let me call their number!

>>203521
brrring, brrring
Brrring, brrring

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>keep your fully full and your brain breedable.

I take great pride in my breedable brain
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>>203522
This episode was shit, there's no reason to be so convoluted about something avoidable by just not eating.
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File 164807080187.jpg - (101.25KB, 850x1131, __tenkyuu_chimata_touhou_drawn_by_pote_ptkan__samp.jpg)
__tenkyuu_chimata_touhou_drawn_by_pote_ptkan__samp
....

Huh, looks like they didn't pick up. A real shame people but sometimes things are like that.

Guess it's time for plan B then, before the next episode airs we'll be holding a poll to decide the location of where one wants to see a live Chimata Says! That's right, if enough people in your area vote for a place then that's where I'll go next time! Naturally a subject fitting for it would be made too.

Or someone else can go claim the prize themselves right now, unless the winner comes back it'll be first come and first serve. That's how the birds get the worms.

Next week episode won't be revealed cause it'll be a special treat! I hope you enjoy the reruns of prior episodes while you wait and may we meet again!

That was this week's episode of Chimata Says!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>203523
Damn right you are, stay proud of it too!
The word was supposed to be bred

>>203524
Your complaint has been registered in the criticism box, thank you for caring enough to share it with us!
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>>203525
As a loyal viewer of Chimata Says, I hope next week's episode is held in Hell There is a large captive audience here that regularly watches Chimata Says. An episode here would be most delightful.
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I also vote for Hell
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Bring it to Old Hell instead.
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