[Happy Halloween, THP! I uh. I don't quite know what made me write this. But it lodged into me in mid-September and wouldn't let go until i put a buck and a half into it. will be crossposting to AO3.]

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A SCENE, FROM THE PLAY "THE BLACK HOLE" BY MARIBEL HEARN:

[Dramatis Personae:
YOUMU KONPAKU, a "half-ghost," who tends to the Saigyouji household, garden, and the personal wellness of the Princess Of The Dead. Dedicated and hardworking.

YUYUKO SAIGYOUJI, said Princess of the Dead, a maiden who died young and left a gangly, midpubescent corpse. Now, between feasts, she does the will of the Yama in the Netherworld, governing the flow of ghosts and phantoms. A flighty, unobservant airhead - when she chooses to be.]

[Scene: HAKUGYOKUROU SHRINE, palace of the Princess of the Dead. The dining room, stage left. YUYUKO is sitting seiza at the table, feasting upon a fine roast, dripping with sauce, alongside tureens of salted and buttered vegetables and fresh baked rolls. YOUMU is sitting nearby, her eyes closed. There is a faint blush on her cheeks and a smile on her lips as she hears the princess' praise of the food and her cooking skills in every little moan of delight that escapes her Lady's delicate, red-stained lips. A clink comes as the Princess of Hungry Ghosts realizes the food is all gone.]

YUYUKO: Ah!
[She turns to YOUMU.]
YUYUKO: [plaintive] Youmuuuuuuu~ is there any more?

[YOUMU shakes her bowed head without opening her eyes.]
YOUMU: Nothing prepared, Yuyuko-sama. And we're out of meat. I'll have to pick up more and prepare it- unless my lady desires a vegetarian spread next? [One eye cracks open to glean an answer.]

[YUYUKO pouts.]
Yuyuko: You already know the answer to that, Youmu.

YOUMU: In that case, my lady, it will be some time before your next feast will be ready.
[YOUMU rises and bows deeply]
YOUMU: By your leave, Yuyuko-sama?

YUYUKO: [sigh] I suppose I'll have to go pester Yukari for some snacks while I wait. Hop to it, Youmu~!
[YUYUKO disappears.]

---

Enough play-acting. It is time to work.
You are Youmu Konpaku. You are a warrior, a gardener, a valet. But before any of that, at the core that you are, you are a servant of Yuyuko-sama. That is the entirety of you.

Divest yourself of your swords. They are not yet necessary. For now, they will get in the way. Set them aside, in the kitchen.

Divest yourself of your clothes. They are unnecessary. They will get in the way.
Set them aside, in the kitchen.

Gather up your selfhood, all that controls you. Your hands are not real, they are only a tool. Your feet are not real, they are only a tool. Your arms are not real. Your legs are not real.

All of you is gathered up, and forced inwards and backwards. Everything about you serves Yuyuko-sama.

Your head is not real. Your shoulders are not real. Your heart is not real. Your chest is not real. Your hips are not real.

Your phantom half-
Is real. It is you. It serves Yuyuko-sama.

All of you is here now, in your spirit self. The body of flesh is limp where it kneels, naked and calm, in the kitchen icebox.

Your phantom half, your true self, takes up the blade without using the hands of the flesh body. It is time.

The things that your Roukanken cannot cut-
The strike upon the exact border between phantom and flesh lands, practiced, perfected and painless.
-are next to none!

The body falls away, shed like so much dead weight. Without the concerns and regrets of flesh, your thoughts and soul feel so addictively clear, but you know that you cannot remain so; lest you be forced to the Sanzu River by Yuyuko-sama's own decree, you must begin the process of growing a new body immediately.

The flesh will keep until it is time.

---

Take up your regrown chest. Take up your regrown hips. Take up your regrown feet, your hands, your head.
Let yourself flow back into them; they are your tools to serve Yuyuko-sama.

Do not take up your clothes. Though they are your uniform as a servant, the process of butchery will befoul them greatly.

First, the corpse must be washed of the bodily foulnesses released upon death. In addition, the hair must be shaved. Though they have their uses, food is not one of them.

Once it has been cleaned of all impurities, the next step is to drain the corpse of blood. Hang it by the feet, and remove the head and hands with yokai-forged steel. Save the blood to be cured into sausages.

Next, the skin must be removed. Exposed to the world of the living, it is unsuitable for Her Majesty's plate. But the meat, ah! Every strand of muscle raised from creation to serve Yuyuko-sama! No other could she have, not while you exist!

Cut open the torso, tracing your sword with a barest whisper of pressure along the center of the sternum to separate the ribcage. Remove and store the organs for later use- though, upon inspection, discarding the liver as unsuitable. (Curse Reimu and her flower viewing parties. And curse Marisa and Suika for egging you on.)

Now begins the proper cutting. Section the corpse by limbs and remove them, before hanging them up to age. The meat of the torso, the ribs and the belly, similarly get separated and hung. With time under exact temperature and humidity, natural enzymes within the meat will break down the muscle fibers, resulting in a far more tender and flavorful meal. Ah, to think of Her Majesty's delicate bites chewing her meal and praising your skill, it's enough to make you weak at the knees just thinking about it.

With the meat hung up to age, all that remains is the waiting before it's time to begin proper Butchery, separating the carcass into cuts of meat ready to cook. Then you will be ready to prepare Her Majesty's meal.

You begin dressing, making yourself presentable for public society, when a hole opens in the air before you. A delicate, white-gloved hand reaches out, holding a folded note labeled "to Youmu~❤️" in an elegant looping script you've known your whole existence. As you take it, the hand boops you on the nose, before retreating back through the Gap.

Lady Yuyuko's perfume wafts off of the note, lovingly caressing your brain through your nose. You permit yourself one indulgence, taking a single (long) sniff, before opening it to read.

"Youmu,

I'll be back in a day or two
Make extra im bringing Yukari and the Incident Solvers over to try your food 😜
Love, Yuyuko"

The paper of the note wrinkles in your hands before you get control of yourself, and you look at the ingredients for lady Yuyuko's meal in front of you. You do some math in your head. With four mouths, one of them Her Majesty...

Could you supplement with other meats? You must, surely- but the human farmers, hand-to-mouth as they are in a bad year, would be loath to part with enough meat to make up the difference at such short notice. Not to mention that the difference between meats will be noticeable.The other option...

You reread the message, grit your teeth slightly at Her Majesty's flightiness. But to make her happy...

You quiver. You are her servant, at the disposal of her every whim. Serving her guests is kin to serving her.

But oh, by the Barrier, they must never find out.

Gather up your selfhood, all that controls you. Your hands are not real, they are only a tool. Your feet are not real, they are only a tool...

---

"...And what a rich feast was prepared for the princess and her guests! A rich stew full of meat and vegetables in bone broth, with warm brown bread, served as a first course, with stuffed bell peppers following as appetizers. Heaps of black puddings came alongside two racks of small ribs, and four well-marinated top round steaks covered in a brown gravy made for a fine main. For afters came ladyfingers soaked in coffee and mascarpone, that dish known as tiramisu, and shots of lemon liqueur to close out the night. When the feast was finished, the Princess and her guests, Sage and Priestess and Witch alike, all complimented Princess Yuyuko's chef on the taste of her sweet and tender meat, and how skillfully it filled them. The chef, famously shy, stammered and blushed her way through a shaky-legged acceptance of their compliments..."

-excerpt from the Gensokyo Chronicles, recorded by the eighth Hieda no Akyuu