Aya's talk-show. SPECIAL CHRISTMAS! Ddyk !u.ddykRmDU 2011/12/13 (Tue) 21:22 No. 243 ▼ File 132381136289.jpg - (461.34KB, 900x1264 , Aya is kind of cute.jpg)
In 2011, a sudden crack in the Hakurei Border caused many outsiders to cross, landing in Gensokyo. By the time they expressed the desire to go back, the Border was already fixed, trapping them. Unhappy with this, those outsiders quickly changed things in Gensokyo, using and introducing many new and strange devices. One of them was the radio. Obviously, tengus quickly saw the potential of that invention, and Aya Shameimaru was the first to create her own talk-show, interviewing several Gensokyo figures.
The tape you're going to hear was her first show, recorded on 24th December.
Shameimaru Aya: Is this thing on?
Several high-pitched noises.
Inubashiri Momiji: Yes it is! Look at the red light!
Aya: Can you believe it Momi? I'm just talking here, and everyone can hear me! That's amazing!
Momiji: Not like we couldn't hear you before-
Aya: GOOOOOOD MORNING GENSOOOOOOKYO! My name is Aya Shameimaru! You probably saw me flying over Gensokyo, collecting data and stories from Gensokyo's citizens!
(There's a pause.)
Aya: Momi, how do you call a Gensokyo citizen?
Momiji: I don't know. A Gensokyte?
Aya: My bad, I shouldn't ask her complicated questions. Momi! 1+1?
Momiji: Are you aware that you are insulting all of the wolves?
Aya: Nag nag. That aside, I, Aya, obtained from Lord Tenma the permission to have my own show, and I'm very grateful, and she's so beautiful and pretty and her wings are wonderful and-
Momiji: You do know she's probably listening to you, right?
Aya: And this is my pet dog, Momi, but her nickname is officially 'Bad Dog'.
Momiji: I resent that!
Aya: I don't care! Shenanigans aside, today is the 24th december, and I heard it was a very important day for outsiders, because, you know, I actually did the research and asked them myself and-
Momiji: You eavesdropped on them preparing for this, and you ask the Scarlet Devil's librarian what everything was about.
Aya: Asking a librarian is also part of the research process, doggy.
Momiji: I'm fairly sure that blackmailing her isn't part of that process-
Aya: Details, details. Anyway, that holiday is tomorrow, or so I heard, and it's also a religious holiday, so I brought the expert in religion!
Momiji: No!
Aya: The one who knows everything about religion!
Momiji: NO!
Aya: The one they call ?the wonderful Maiden?.
Momiji: NOOOOOOOO!"
Aya: Hijiri Byakuren!
(Loud sound of someone falling from her chair.)
Momiji: WHAT? Her? Well, I'm fine with, she's better than that-
(A door opens, and someone enters)
Aya: Lady Byakuren, it's a pleasure to see you here.
Hijiri: Pleasure is mine. I always wanted to express my gratitude toward you for letting me use your printer.
Momiji: I must be deaf, I think I heard something about Aya being nice to someone...
Aya: Hush, doggy. No, no, Lady Byakuren, I admire you, and your work! I'm myself a friend of the human race...
Momiji: ...when you're not flaming and insulting them...
Aya: ...and I enjoy sharing with them...
Momiji: ...sharing the latest gossip and ruining reputations...
Aya: ...because I'm very honest!
Momiji: ...evil and corrupted.
Hijiri: Indeed, this is remarkable from you. You can be proud.
Momiji: Lady Byakuren, no need to pet her ego. She's already a very arrogant person.
Aya: Don't mind the dog, Lady Byakuren, I forgot to bring her a bone, so she's a little grumpy. But, I learned that you were very cultivated about religions, right?
Hijiri: I think that life is about tolerance, and since you're afraid of the unknown, being knowledgeable about people makes you tolerant.
Aya: That's what I always though! I like to consider myself as a very cultivated person myself...
Momiji: Indeed, if we're talking about sexual practices or about booze.
Aya: ?but even a person as modest as myself must knows her flaws, and I'm not well-versed about religions.
Hijiri: Knowing your flaw is the way to the enlightenment.
Momiji: I can list all your flaws, but that'll take me several A3 papers.
Aya: So, since you are a saint, and since you are old, you must-
(From this point, several interferences can be heard, making the tape almost impossible to listen to. A panicked scream can be heard.)
Hijiri: EXCUSE ME?
Aya: Nonononono! What I meant, is that, you're very knowledgeable and stuff, a-a-and therefore, you must know... I dunno, stuff!
(Interferences disappear.)
Hijiri: Indeed I do.
Aya: So, maybe you should, uh, enlighten us, about what that holiday is about?
Hijiri: This holiday is about Christmas. I don't know it for sure, since it's a new religion, but... What's wrong with Miss Inubashiri?
Aya: Oh? Don't mind her, she'll get out of that corner when she'll feel safe again.
Hijiri: Really? Oh anyway. So that Christmas was basically about the birth of a God, but with time passing, his true signification was forgotten. From what I read about it, it's now a day about a bald man named Santa.
Aya: Santa? The Evil from Christian religion?
Hijiri: Indeed. So, as I said, that Christmas day is about work shipping the Evil.
Aya: Is that enough proof to consider that christian cult as an evil cult?
Hijiri:Well, one can't be sure about that, since the outsiders haven't been really hostile. But take care, and don't let the children out tomorrow.
(A chair scrapes against the floor)
Aya: Are you leaving so soon, Lady Byakuren?
Hijiri: I have to. I promised Shou that I would help her to fix the barricades.
Aya: Oh. Thank you for your visit, and take care, the studios are still in construction...
Hijiri: I'll take care, thank you.
(A door opens and closes. A loud scream can be heard, with several objects falling.)
Aya: Well, I warned her. Momi, the scary lady is gone. Momiji? Mmm. Time for some music. Here's something I bought from an outsider.
(?Still Alive? from Coulton plays, while Aya Shameimaru is speaking to Momiji Inubashiri, not knowing that she's still on air.)
Aya: Momi, it's fine! The scary hag is gone! You can come out from under the table now! Momiji, don't make me come and get you!
Momiji: Grrrrrr...
Aya: Don't growl at me! You're my assistant! The one Lord Tenma designated to assist me! Momiji! No nononono! BAD DOG! BAD DOG!
(The music keeps on, while the sound of a fight can be heard.)
Aya: Stop scratching my clothes! NO! BAD DOG!
(A loud noise is heard. The room is silent, save for Aya Shameimaru.)
Aya: Well, I warned her. This is going to leave a mark. Foolish dog, you can't beat a crow tengu. That should be a lesson for you. Dogs should know their places. Anyway, we here at... my station are the first to say it! Christians are evil and eats children, work shipping Santa! Never trust a christian!
(The music is over now.)
Aya: Aw crap. They couldn't hear me. Well, not like anyone cares about kids anyway. What's the button to put the microphone back on? Can't find it. This one?
BAD-dum tsh.
Aya: What's that? Some kind of weird instrument? I don't know this one! Must be coming from the outside.
(The same button is pressed several times, with Aya trying to imitate it with her mouth.)
Aya: Hey, that thing is funny. I should bring it to my house later. Ha, that's that button!
(The microphone is cut. The emission is over.)